Whilst exploring the roots of my cancer I came to consciously recognise that
I didn't trust anyone. At first this was a big shock as to the outside world
I appeared to be an overly trusting person, giving away my thoughts and heart
as easily as candy. Yet my inner depths were locked away from sight whilst I
ran a contrived and controlled world on the surface as I sought the grand prize
of obtaining self worth and love through acceptance.
I wanted to create change in my life because if we keep doing the same things we will keep getting the same results and I had had cancer which is a sure sign of inner unhappiness
Yet in order to change anything in my life I first had to accept that I had it!
And so when I recognised my lack of trust in the entire world I accepted that was just the way I was as a result of my experiences and thinking thus far in my life.
Having done that and peacefully sat and lived for some time with that as a genuine feeling of acceptance I was then able to gently begin exploring the roots of the belief.
I came to recognise that the way forward wasn't to create some system whereby I learnt to trust others but instead the way to peace, serenity and contentment lay in the recognition that if I required nothing from anyone else, if I didn't want them to act in a certain way or show up in a particular role then I had no reason to not trust them.
And I recognised the same truth of course applied to myself. If I required nothing of myself to show up in a particular way or play a certain role then I had no reason
to not trust how I was.
I had spent so many decades trying to be all things to all people in a vain effort to receive accolade and acceptance which I erroneously believed would equate to unconditional love but now I recognised the impossibility of such a task. Trying to get all the other 6 billion people to really like you is exhausting!
The effort of trying to get others to like me limited and bound me so much I created my own dis-ease and in turn limited all others.
Now as I step into a life experience of living from unconditional love all things are accepted as they show up....including the times I freak out and don't accept what shows up! When that happens I recognise my inner child is afraid and I hold her lovingly with complete acceptance. One part of me has recognised that my monsters don't really exist and are mere illusions (albeit very powerful ones) but I do not dismiss the part of me which still trembles and sees my monsters as real. My role as unconditional love is to hold and accept my fearful part without thought to reject or change it. There is no need for thoughts to change my fear when there are no requirements for me to show up in a certain way.
Now I have no requirement for any part of myself to change, now I accept all
parts however they show up, now I have complete trust in all things.
In Essence I don't even really have trust, what I have is the absence of anything which would create experiences of non-trust.
Just like some folk say that God forgives but in Essence there is no forgiveness because there was never any judgement in the first place.